Dancing Around It
by Devereauxpoi
Summary: John Reese finally expressed his feelings to Joss Carter that night in the morgue. Three months have passed and they have yet to talk about it. Will Joss finally open up too? AU as Joss is alive.


**A/N **Happy belated Valentine's Day to all you lovely Careesers! This fic is based on some prompts by **wolfmusic218**:_ "_One finds a crumpled up paper with a confession of feelings. What does it say?" &amp; "Height difference! How do they handle it during a kiss?" This is completely unbeta'd so all errors and sloppy messes are mine.

* * *

_Dec 6 ~You changed my mind, Joss. You changed me. I still can't wrap my head around those words...He thinks I saved his life. Does he realize in how many ways he saved mine too?_

_Dec 11~ At one point I thought maybe, just maybe, there was something else there...something more than just his need to protect me. __But what's the deal with Zoe? Zoe Morgan. Zoe Morgan with that damn pink taser._

_Dec 17~ I've always known he cared but never realized how deep his feelings ran...was I so wrapped up in HR that I missed it? So many things make sense now.  
_

_Dec 25 ~ I could see in his eyes what it meant to spend the day with Taylor and me. It felt right having him there. Christmas had a new meaning for all of us this year.  
_

_Jan 1~ I can't do this. Instead of toasting the new year, I helped Shaw stitch up his arm. Will his quest for redemption end before it ends him?  
_

_Jan 3~ I finally understand why he pushed me away after opening up at Rikers...He was scared. Just like I am now. _

_Jan 8 ~ So much for placing some distance between us. It lasted about a week. I just can't stay away from him. This is the closest I've ever been to having an addiction. Whenever he's around everything is so much better, so much brighter._

_Jan 17~ I hate him. After Paul and Cal I swore I'd never let a man have this effect on me. I don't ever want to need a man in my life. Do I need him or do I want him? Both?  
_

_Jan 19~ It's been exactly two months and we still haven't talked about it. The conversation. The kiss. About us. If there is an us. Should there be an us._

* * *

**Jan 24**

"Joss, you have enough shoes here to rival Imelda Marcos. How do you even have time to wear them all?"

John lifted a five inch high black platform heel into the air. Turning it slowly in his hand, his steel blue eyes squinted in concentration as he closely studied the double row of silver metal studs on the wide ankle strap. They were a far cry from the sensible shoes he normally saw her wearing.

"Did you take a second job when you got demoted last year? An evening job perhaps?"

She glared at him and continued sorting the stack of sweaters on her bed.

"You're here to help me clean, John, not to provide commentary, remember? Those can go in the charity box."

He reluctantly put them with the other items to be donated to the Bowery Women &amp; Children's shelter and went back to emptying out her closet. After two weeks spent in the hospital, another one at a rehabilitation facility and numerous more recuperating at home, Joss was eager to get both her apartment and life back in order.

She had spent little time at home in the six months leading up to her showdown with HR. With Taylor hidden safely away at Paul's, it had been nothing more than a place to eat, sleep and strategize her next move. Now that she was feeling back to her old self, she decided to spend the remaining two weeks of her medical leave doing some early spring cleaning. After much persistence from John, she finally accepted his offer to help. She figured, whether she liked it or not, he knew every nook and cranny of her apartment as well as she did so she might as well take advantage of it.

John brought the last shoebox down from her closet shelf. Lifting the lid, he raised an eyebrow as he pulled out a pair of shiny gold t-strap sandals. Unlike her black stilettos, these had a lower, sturdier heel.

"What, pray tell, are these, Joss?"

She bounced off the bed and grabbed them from his hand excitedly, proceeding to slip them on.

"Oh my God, I forgot about those! A couple of us girls from work took a ballroom dance class a few years ago. It was so much fun."

John looked on in amusement as Joss circled him in a flurry of dance steps, swaying her hips and leading her invisible partner around the carpet.

"Any other talents I don't know about?"

"Oh, I'm real good at a bunch of things, John."

She winked at him with a sly smile and plopped on the bed, laughing to herself, and pulled off the shoes.

"I guess I don't need them anymore. I have no where to wear them."

She dropped them in the box with a sigh and went back to separating her clothes.

"Well, that's it for your closet, Joss. I'll get started on your small bureau."

"Thanks, but uh, I think I'll sort through my underwear on my own."

"I do know my way around a pair of panties, Detective."

"Right. How about you go tackle the linen closet instead?"

Swatting him with a sock, she mirrored his smirk, her brown eyes shining playfully. He shrugged his shoulders at her refusal before heading out to the hallway.

* * *

**Feb 12**

Joss opened her lingerie drawer and slipped out her small purple journal from the bottom, a smile forming on her lips as she opened the cover.

After she had been injured in Fallujah, her therapist at the VA had encouraged her to start writing. She scoffed at the idea at first but, with Paul off dealing with his own demons, she had no one to confide in. Her close girlfriends helped out with Taylor, tried their best to get her to open up and talk about what she experienced, but Joss knew they'd never understand. Even she still struggled, all these years later, to comprehend and reconcile the harrowing and disconcerting memories in her head.

Her two army tours and the painful dissolution of her marriage had left her private and guarded. A piece of her was forever changed; the trust she used to dole out so easily eventually disappeared.

Her journal became a friend of sorts, an outlet and safe haven where she could attempt to make sense of her emotions, a place to vent and clear her head.  
She turned back to it, from time to time over the years, and found herself writing again as she whiled away the long hours at the rehabilitation center.

She flipped through the pages and came to the last entry which, written just a week ago, was the same topic as all the rest.

John Reese.

They never spoke of the conversation and kiss that took place in the morgue almost three months earlier. John had surprised her that night, not with his sentiments, but with his raw and brutal honesty.

They had danced and flirted around their feelings for years, hiding behind biting sarcasm and traded quips, neither of them daring to cross that formidable line.

Joss had felt the shift between them too that evening in November. Facing death had disarmed all her defenses, leaving her emotions bare and exposed. She was finally ready to let him in, to trust him with her heart, but Simmons had robbed her of the opportunity.

By the time she had physically recuperated from her wounds, all the doubts and fears she thought she'd vanquished had wormed their way into her head again.

She knew that life with John would never be normal and, after all she had been through the past year, normalcy and calm was what she craved.

She had accepted there would always be secrets and truths she'd need to keep from her family and friends.

Jeopardizing her career no longer fazed her.

She could deal with his overbearing protectiveness and penchant for turning a blind eye to the law.

What did scare her, absolutely terrified her, was loving a man who wouldn't hesitate to put his own life on the line to save a stranger, loving someone who one day might not come home.

That one simple fear was enough to hold her back, to leave her clinging protectively to her heart once again.

She told herself she'd need to place some distance between them, told herself they were simply friends, but she couldn't fool herself. She needed him as much as she needed air to survive. He gave her life.

After the shooting, they fell back into their old routine, their friendship growing stronger as John kept her company whenever he could while she healed. Joss sensed that he was watching and waiting for her to take the first step, wanting to make sure she was ready.

They would each catch the other stealing glances of themselves from time to time and their hands would linger just a second too long on each others skin. They both pushed the limit as they flirted, secretly trying in earnest to elicit a response, to get inside each others head.

Their unfinished conversation lingered in the air as the tension grew. As each day passed, it continued to follow them everywhere, growing and expanding, begging for attention. It was the huge elephant in the room. An elephant on the verge of exploding at any moment.

* * *

**Feb 14**

Joss walked quickly into the bullpen at the eighth precinct, shaking the water from her coat before she slung it over the back of her chair and threw her umbrella under her desk. Mother Nature had had unleashed a stormy and rainy Valentine's Day on New York City.

She grimaced at the stack of paperwork on her desk. It was her fifth day back at work and she had already started harassing the captain to get her back on regular duty. She was itching to get back on the street again with Fusco.

"Morning, Carter. That was there when I got here."

Fusco walked out of the pantry and pointed his danish in the direction of a plain black shoebox sitting on her desk. It was barely visible next to the stacks of files.

"A week back and you already pissed somebody off? Whadya think's in it? Rat, maybe somebody's finger?"

Joss rolled her eyes at him then furrowed her brows as she slowly lifted the lid. She stared inside, gasping. Nestled under red tissue paper, was a pair of four inch high black patent leather Christian Louboutin peep toe pumps in her size. She pulled a tiny note from inside one of them.

**Will you be my Valentine, Detective? I'll pick you up at 7. Wear the shoes.**

Fusco watched Joss's face intently, noting the rising flush of her cheeks as she toyed with her lip to hide a smile.

"Lemme guess, Wonderboy?"

* * *

As promised, John rang Joss's bell promptly at seven o'clock. She hurried to the foyer, stopping for a moment in front of the mirror to smooth her hair and check her make-up one last time. She opened the door and found him pressed against the door frame, a huge bouquet of red roses above his head, shielding him from the rain.

"You used the front door. I think it's a first for ya, John."

He didn't move. He didn't speak. He just stared, his gaze slowly wandering up and down her tiny frame. She wore a long sleeved silk jersey wrap dress. Clinging to her every curve, it dipped down just far enough in front to give a satisfying glimpse of her cleavage. His eyes paused for a moment on the raised pink scar that peeked out.

Covered in a black and crimson pattern, the dress hit just above her knee and her new shoes accentuated her impossibly long glistening legs. John's eyes stopped on the simple tie at her hip that kept the whole ensemble closed, his hand twitching to give it a tug.

"You look beautiful, Joss."

She looked down at the floor quickly, a flash of embarrassment crossing her face.

"Get in here, it's cold and you're gonna get soaked."

She tugged him inside by his elbow.

"Thank you for the flowers; they're beautiful. Let me put them in water then I just need to grab my purse. So where exactly are we going?"

"We…are going dancing."

Joss stopped in her tracks and laughed, "no really, what are we doing?"

"I told you we're going dancing. Now hurry up."

* * *

They took a cab up to Columbus Circle and John led Joss through the lashing rain to the entrance of Dizzy's Jazz Club, located inside the enormous Jazz at Lincoln Center complex.

"I know it might not be your style but tonight they're doing 1930s Big Band. I figured it's a little more my speed."

"No John, it's perfect."

The main room of the upscale club was oval shaped with floor to ceiling windows wrapping around half the wall. Its sweeping view of Central Park and the Upper East Side created a dramatic backdrop even in the evening darkness. The stylish interior was a perfect balance between cozy and intimate and sleek and trendy. Each table was illuminated by flickering candlelight while modern blue neon lights lit the stage.

They were seated near the window and their waiter soon returned with their drinks, Scotch on the rocks for John and a Gin and Tonic for Joss.

"Joss, this whole Jazz complex was built about ten years ago. It's named after Dizzy Gillespie, obviously, the greatest jazz trumpeter in history. He's known best for bebop and introducing Afro-Latin sounds to Jazz music. He had this trademark trumpet that bent upward at a 45-degree angle instead of pointing straight out. It's believed..."

"Okay John, enough with the Wikepedia talk. I gave you plenty of time to get your fill of liquid courage, now let's go dance."

She stood up and took his drink from his hand, pulling him up and out of his seat. It took pure willpower for her to stifle the laugh that was bubbling in her chest. She bit down hard on her lip to stop its quivering, his eyes were staring at the dance floor like a deer in headlights.

After a few minutes of bruised toes and near collisions, they were able to keep up with the fast tempo and fell into sync. Joss grinned at the triumphant look on John's face as he effortlessly twirled her around. She relished his genuine smile, the tremble of his shoulders as he laughed, knowing she alone could put him at ease, enable him to be himself. Tonight he wasn't a vigilante. He wasn't an ex-CIA operative. He wasn't the man in the suit. He was just John.

The band switched to a down-tempo song and John pulled her tightly into his arms without hesitation. He laced his fingers through hers and placed them against his heart. She leaned her head against his chest and closed her eyes, slowly swaying to the music. He had traded his signature suit for a black cashmere polo shirt and sports jacket. She burrowed into the soft fabric, oblivious to the crowded room around her, content in his arms.

His embrace left her senses on overload. The smell of cologne on his warm skin, the heat from his breath against her ear, the press of his palm on her lower back. Her body shuddered and her stomach tightened when he leaned his head down against hers. After months of looking, watching, fighting temptation, she could finally delight in his touch. Her body was on fire as he lightly ran his fingers up her spine, twirling patterns on her hip. She was convinced she would melt into a puddle right there on the dance floor.

The band announced a short break, forcing them apart, so they took a walk to explore the adjoining exhibition area. It was a labyrinth of small rooms branching out in different directions.

John pressed his shoulder into hers as they wandered through the expansive space. Filled with portraits of Jazz legends that had graced the stages of Lincoln Center, they strolled leisurely, eventually stopping to admire a large one of Dizzy Gillespie.

The band had begun its next set and they found themselves alone in the small alcove.

John took Joss's hand and entwined his fingers with hers. Bringing it to his mouth, he gently kissed her palm. The moisture and heat from his smooth lips sent a shiver to her core and she didn't resist as he pulled her to his chest. He ran his nose down her cheek and nuzzled her neck. Her eyes slid shut as his hands circled her waist and slipped down to cup her rear. She gasped when he held her hips and drew her flush against him.

She lost all sense of where they were, the weeks of hungering for him stirring something deep within, a burning arousal she had never experienced before.

He slid his lips over hers, his breath warm and sweet from the Scotch. Gently lifting her chin with his finger, he caressed her skin with his thumb. His gaze was intense and she saw the fire in his eyes, the deep burning desire that was coursing through her too. She felt his hand tremble as he leaned back in to claim her lips, this time with confidence and purpose.

Joss turned her face and his mouth connected with her cheek instead.

She wanted to kiss him back. She wanted to ravage his mouth and have her way with him right there in that room but an invisible force held her back.

An exasperated sigh escaped John's lips.

"John..."

He gently kissed her temple and brushed a loose tendril of her hair behind her ear.

"It's okay, Joss. C'mon, the band went back on and I was just warming up before."

He smiled at her tenderly and she simply nodded.

* * *

John opened his large umbrella as they exited the club and pulled Joss to his side underneath. The rain still hadn't let up and was coming down in sheets, leaving pedestrians scurrying for cover.

Instead of heading for the taxi stand at the curb, he led her to the left and up the block. The sidewalk was empty, the only activity was the occasional blur of a taxi speeding by.

"John, where…"

"There's a coffee shop on the corner."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and had steered her half way up the short block before suddenly pulling her under a store awning. The rain pounded on the cover and ran down the sides creating a pocket of privacy.

Before Joss had a chance to question why they had stopped outside the closed bakery, John had set his umbrella aside and turned to face her.

"You wanted to kiss me before. I saw it in your eyes, Joss. Tell me why you didn't."

John's voice was soft and gentle, no hint of confrontation, and his soft blue eyes begged to understand. His question came at no surprise to her. She was fully anticipating it and was aware that he wasn't asking her just about that kiss. He wanted an answer, not just for tonight but for the last three months and for the future.

As she struggled to find the right words to explain something she didn't understand herself, John pulled a small piece of paper from his coat pocket. The crumpled paper had been carefully smoothed and folded precisely.

"Is that a Dear Joss letter, John?"

She chortled while he unfolded it and placed it in her hand. The small smile on her face quickly contorted to one of disbelief as she immediately recognized her handwriting and the familiar lined paper of her journal.

"Where did you get that..."

"Carter, don't be mad. Please... I found it at the bottom of your closet when I was cleaning. I saw my name and started reading it without thinking. I know I shouldn't have but a part of me is glad I did."

_Jan 23~ John Reese, John Rooney, John Anderson, John Campbell, John Wiley, John Warren, JOHN H. JAMES_

_Pros: He makes me laugh, genuinely laugh, like I haven't in years. He understands me more than I do myself which is honestly annoying at times. Very annoying. He's military. He gets it. He knows what it was like and what I still struggle with. He has an enormous heart. He knows what I'm thinking without asking. Again, annoying. But sweet. He loves Taylor like a son. He always makes me feel safe even when he's not around. He's always got my back and trusts me with his. I trust him more than anyone I know. He respects me as an equal. I LOVE HIM  
_

_Cons: I'm a cop and technically he's a wanted man. Our life will never be normal. He's stiflingly overprotective. He has a hard time expressing his feelings. Okay I do too. He still needs to come to grips with his past. He doesn't like to talk about it and I wish he'd trust me more. Let me help him. He has a risky job. Risky is an understatement. Sometimes, no all the time, he's reckless and puts himself last. What if something happens to him? __I'M SCARED TO LOSE HIM_

Joss folded up the paper and slipped it into her purse, turning to stare into the shop window. A multitude of emotions swirled in her head. Embarrassment, anger, fear and regret collided with love, promise, reassurance and encouragement. She finally settled on relief and lifted her eyes to see his reflection in the glass.

John saw the softening of her face, the slight upturn of her lips, and the playful glare of her eyes. He wrapped his arms around her middle, pulling her close. He kissed the top of her head and burrowed his nose in her hair. Looking at her reflection in the store window, he tucked his cheek next to hers, locking their gaze.

"You know, for a detective I'd expect your list to be a bit more thorough. I'm kind of disappointed. You're missing a key piece of information...he loves me too."

It was a soft whisper but even through the echo of the pounding rain she heard him clearly. She turned in his arms, her eyes bright in the dim light.

"Joss, after what happened to Jessica, I swore that I'd never let anyone get that close again. Never let anyone in. You saw firsthand what it did to me. But that was before I met the beautiful, fearless and stubborn Detective Jocelyn Carter. You saved me, gave me a reason to keep living. Then I almost lost you too. I was terrified. I'm still scared, Joss. But I was lucky enough to get a second chance with you and I'm not gonna waste it. We both put our lives on the line everyday and staying apart out of fear won't change anything. Life is precious and you have to live for today, live in the moment. And I want you to be part of mine. Whenever you get scared, you can hold my hand. I can't promise you what tomorrow will bring, but I can promise you that it will always include my love."

He pulled her out from the protection of the awning and into the teeming rain.

"John, what the hell are you doing?"

"Close your eyes, Joss, and look up."

"We're getting drenched."

"Humor me please."

She closed her eyes and turned her face upwards.

"Do you feel that, Joss? That's life. You're alive and you have to enjoy every minute of it."

She started to laugh, streams of cool water running down her cheeks, her hair now soaked and plastered around her face.

"You're crazy, John."

"Maybe I am. Now, kiss me like you wanted to before."

"What makes you so sure I wanted to kiss you? Huh?"

"I know you did."

"I did", she laughed as she reached up to pull his head down. She stopped suddenly, grasping his hand and moving them to the side.

She stepped up on the adjoining store's stoop, their eyes now level.

"Okay, now this is much better."

She smiled at him tenderly, the rain still showering down on them, and snaked her hand around the nape of his neck and tunneled it through his wet hair.

It began unhurried and leisurely. She dragged her lips across his, welcoming the silky heat and the intense seductive pull. The build up was gradual, the pressure slowly increasing, as they nibbled and sucked, licked and tugged. Joss felt her body come alive as he lightly sank his teeth into her lower lip then swept his tongue across to sooth the sting. His lips, moist and silky, were relentless but she held her own. They nipped back and forth at each other. Slowly she slid her tongue around his mouth, memorizing every curve and dip.

The intensity increased, their self-restraint shattered. They clawed at each other, their hunger insatiable. Joss was oblivious to the cold rain running down her face, her back, her legs. Her body was on fire and she welcomed its cooling touch.

She kissed him passionately and thoroughly, holding nothing back, surrendering finally to what her heart had wanted all along. John returned her kiss with equal fervor, his hands now wrapped around her back, pulling her close.

He teased the seam of her lips and they quickly parted. His tongue was gentle, slowly sliding over hers, lingering and familiarizing itself with her taste, her feel. They danced playfully, chasing each other and casually setting off in exploration. He gently sucked at her lips, her tongue, and with every tug she felt a blissful arousal between her legs.

They twisted and turned their heads, desperate to get closer, to find the perfect angle. John brought his hands up and grasped her cheeks, slowing and deepening the kiss.

They broke apart, gasping for air, resting their foreheads on each others as they came down from their high. John planted a soft kiss on Joss's lips. "Happy Valentine's Day, Detective" he murmured.

"I guess I should add great kisser to that list, John."

"I'm great at other things too that you'll be adding eventually."

"You better not be all talk. I take that list seriously."

"You don't have to worry about that, Detective. C'mon, you're wet; let's go get that coffee."

Joss rolled her eyes at his saucy smirk, making a mental note to add 'smart ass' too.


End file.
